Introduction by blogger Stephen Allerton.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-we-do/childrens-stories-about-abuse/margarets-story/
I’ve been recently reading stories that ultimately have affected children in an ‘abusive’ way, where I’ve obtained this information from the NSPCC. The domestic violence issues or even crisis has gone on for years behind ‘closed doors’, and it’s a fact that the woman and her children are the victims in a lot of cases. The NSPCC can provide ‘safe houses’ but when the ‘bread winner’ in the relationship is the male, being a brave woman and taking those first tentative steps of reporting a ‘domestic violence’ incident to the police, and then leaving a nice home to live in basic relief conditions like a ‘safe house’ can in a lot of situations be almost impossible, and so the abuse continues, whether emotional, spiritual, physical or mental or a combination of these really begin to take their toll worryingly on the children over the years, after all, the children are the innocent victims here right!
Fighting for childhood in England How we’re standing up for children
We stand up for children in England by finding the best ways to prevent abuse and neglect and influencing the Westminster government to take action.
We’re committed to finding out what’s working and – more importantly – what isn’t, and what we can do about it. We do this by evaluating the services we provide for children and families and conducting research.
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England consultation responses
Our policy team in England respond to government consultations and write briefings to influence the development of policies and laws that affect children and young people. Below are the most recent government consultations we’ve responded to.PDF / 331 KBNSPCC response to the consultation on reporting and acting on child abuse and neglectOur submission in response to the consultation on reporting and acting on child abuse and neglect in October 2016.PDF / 454 KBNSPCC and Rees Centre response to the Education Select Committee inquiry on the Mental Health and Wellbeing of Looked-After ChildrenOur joint submission with Rees Centre in response to the Education Select Committee inquiry on the Mental Health and Wellbeing of Looked-After Children October 2015PDF / 263 KBNSPCC response to child safety online: age verification for pornographyPaper submitted in response to a call for age verification for pornography to help keep children safer online.PDF / 237 KBNSPCC young people’s response to child safety online: age verification for pornographyYoung people’s paper submitted in response to a call for age verification for pornography to help keep children safer online.PDF / 352 KBNSPCC submission to the Women and Equalities Select Committee Inquiry on Sexual Harassment and Sexual Violence in SchoolsOur submission in response to the Women and Equalities Select Committee Inquiry on Sexual Harassment and Sexual Violence in Schools.PDF / 584 KBNSPCC response to Law Commission consultation paper no.214: data sharing between public bodiesOur submission in response to the Law Commission consultation paper no.214: data sharing between public bodies in December 2013.PreviousNext
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Lee’s story Recovering from grooming at a Church youth group
“I was 16 when a friend introduced me to her church youth group. The first time I went, I met the youth leader, Adam. As I got more involved in the group, transport started to become an issue for me and Adam offered to give me lifts.
“Quite early on, Adam and I began texting. When he suggested we hang out outside of the group I didn’t think anything of it. I thought it was probably common for youth workers to want to spend time with young people.
“I didn’t have a lot of friends so I felt like I’d made a close friend in Adam. He was paying me attention and I enjoyed his company, it felt like he was really looking out for me.
“Then, Adam started to encourage me to hang out with him at his house. He started telling me that we had a special friendship.
“I felt helpless to tell anybody about what was happening.”
Lee
“It was gradual and quite innocent to start with, but I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. Adam started sitting closer to me on the sofa, trailing his finger over mine – things I thought were strange but not big enough to react to at the time.
“Over time, Adam started to give me extended hugs and kiss my face. He’d tell me I was his best mate and what we had was special. He said it was normal to do these things, even biblical; reading me passages from the Bible.
“As things continued I told him I wasn’t comfortable with what he was doing. He didn’t listen and instead ramped things up by kissing me on the lips. The kissing on the lips then became more regular and I felt helpless to tell anybody about what was happening.
“I was so confused but knew what he was doing was wrong. I wanted it to stop but part of me was afraid to speak out because I didn’t want to get him into trouble.”
Lee
“When I told Adam I wasn’t gay – that I liked girls and wanted him to stop – he’d turn things around by telling me I must want this, because I’d instigated it. He’d threaten to take me off the preaching rota or stop giving me lifts. He made me feel as if I’d be ostracised from the group if I put a stop to things and told me constantly that I wasn’t to tell anyone.
“Things escalated when he made us masturbate in the same room as each other. When we weren’t together, he’d text me telling me he thought about me while he was masturbating. He continued to pressure me, saying we were going to spend our lives together and that he wanted us to have sex.
“The way the law stands currently, Adam can’t be legally prosecuted for what happened. This is because I was 16 at the time and he wasn’t viewed to be in a position of trust.”
Lee
“I was so confused but knew what he was doing was wrong. I wanted it to stop but part of me was afraid to speak out because I didn’t want to get him into trouble. Being unable to talk to anybody about what was happening was making me feel really depressed.
“A year and a half later, I moved away from the area to practice youth work in London. Because I was no longer in the situation I felt able to share what had happened with my new manager. Adam was removed from his post and isn’t involved in the youth group any more and I was fortunate enough to receive counselling, which has really helped me move on from what happened.
“The way the law stands currently, Adam can’t be legally prosecuted for what happened. This is because I was 16 at the time and he wasn’t viewed to be in a position of trust.
“I’d encourage other victims of grooming and sexual abuse to talk to someone, however bad it seems or however trapped you feel. Someone will be able to help you.”
*DISCLAIMER
Names have been changed to protect identities. Any photographs are posed by models.
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Grooming
Children and young people can be groomed online or in the real world, by a stranger or by someone they know – a family member, friend or professional. Read more about groomingPreviousNext
Kimberley’s story How the Family Environment: Drug Using Parents (FEDUP) service helped her to speak out
“My life when I was younger wasn’t very happy. I knew from a young age that my dad was taking drugs because I’d learnt about them at school. I remember one day, when I was about 8 or 9 years old my dad’s mate came round and I saw the drugs laid out in the kitchen and I realised what they were and what they were doing.
“Living with dad wasn’t very nice. He used to get angry if he didn’t have any drugs and would shout at me. He would shout at me in the mornings because he’d overslept and we’d be late for school. I’d have to get my uniform washed and clean for school because if I left it for him to do, he’d put it in the washing machine and then forget to take it out so I wouldn’t have anything clean to wear. I was doing my own washing and ironing at primary school. Then I’d walk to school by myself. I often had to make my own dinner, because Dad would be asleep on the sofa or couldn’t do it. I’d have ravioli from a can.
“His mates would be at our flat all the time and they would make a noise at night when I was trying to sleep. If they came in the daytime they’d bring sweets for me to try and keep me out of the way. I’d be sent to my room or made to sit in the living room by myself. They used to be in the kitchen doing the drugs.
“When I lived with my dad I felt like nothing. I felt like he didn’t care about me all he cared about was the drugs.”
Kimberley*
“I had met Gemma* when I was 4 years old. She was our landlady and also worked in the shop next door. I started going into the shop to talk to Gemma instead of going home because I didn’t like to be at home with my dad.
“I would visit Gemma every day after school. I wouldn’t tell her too much about what was going on at home, but I’d tell her little things. If things were really bad with my dad I’d tell her about it and I’d sometimes stay overnight at her house. She always made time for me, it was normally when I was going to bed and she’d sit at the end of my bed and we’d talk through whatever I was worried about.
“I remember one night, my dad was asleep on the sofa and I couldn’t wake him up. The flat was dark and I was scared so I rang Gemma who came and picked me up and left a note for my dad to tell him where I’d gone.
“With Gemma’s support and help I told my school about what life was like living with my dad and I was given a social worker. The social worker helped a bit, but the biggest help was NSPCC. Anna* and Ray* from the NSPCC Blackpool Service Centre came to visit my house to speak to me and Dad and told me about a local group called Family Environment: Drug Using Parents (FEDUP). They said that I could go and speak to other young people who were going through something similar to me and could have 1-2-1 chats with Anna at school. Ray said he’d come to my dad’s house and talk to him about how his drug use was affecting me.
“I enjoyed the FEDUP group. We did fun things like making towers out of marshmallows and dried spaghetti. I could talk to Anna about how I was feeling and I trusted her. I was in a session with Anna when I told her I didn’t want to go home and live with my dad anymore.
“After that day, I never went back to my dad’s flat again. I saw him once after I’d left him to go and live with Gemma. We went on a day out which was nice, but he got angry when I told him I couldn’t see him again a few days later because I was busy. He swore at me and stormed off. He still wasn’t nice to be around. Now that I’m at high school, I sometimes see him in the street. He tries to say hello but I don’t like it.
“I really like living with Gemma. I’ve been to Spain with Gemma and her family. I’ve lived with her for over 2 years now.
“I have a proper family who take me out and take me on holiday. ”
Kimberley*
“Being in the FEDUP group really helped me to speak out. They helped me to understand that if something doesn’t feel right then I should speak out and tell someone. To anyone living with a mum or dad who’s using drugs and making them unhappy, I’d say tell someone who you can trust and get help. It doesn’t have to be this way.”
*DISCLAIMER
Names have been changed to protect identities. Any photographs are posed by models.
Find out how we help children like Kimberley
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In the average primary school class, at least 2 children have suffered abuse or neglect. Donate now and help protect children today and prevent abuse from happening tomorrow.Donate now
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We need to make sure every child always has a place to turn – night and day. Sign our petition calling on the government to help our Childline service be there for every child.Find out more
Report abuse
Our helpline is here 24/7. So if you’re worried about a child, you can always talk to us.Report abuse to our helplinePreviousNext
“If it hadn’t been for that assembly, I honestly think the abuse would still be happening.”
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Conclusion by Stephen Allerton
In this hi tech day and age, where computers rule the world, and as quickly as children can click a button on a computer and enter into ‘online grooming’ at the hands of ‘dodgy adults’, that click can turn into one of a cry for help with the NSPCC. This is a ‘get out’ clause for abused children, and abuse comes in so many ways. The point is safeguard officials can view each case on its individual merits, and the most sensitive of cases can be approached in a likewise manner. Can the child fight back in our modern world and get NSPCC support, or do they just keel over and continue getting abuse in so many different ways and forms! It’s not so obvious as battered and bruised kiddies, or sexually abused children, it’s psychological manipulation, emotional blackmail, spiritual threatening, to name but a few from adult perpetrators. The time has come for pressure to be put back on these people TOO STOP It! Below are some easy ways to get in touch with the NSPCC. All the best. Stephen.
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